suzakuformation | (no subject)

Current Mood: confused

(no subject)

You know... it's weird. But I hate Duel Spirits and the supernatural and everything... but a bunch of the regulars we've been getting orders have been Duel Spirits... And while I hate how they look...

I dunno, they seem nice when we talk. Most of them seem to be trying to figure out the world, get a job, and...

It's just weird how similar they are to us.

Still hate that they're monsters.

Ugh. This must really sound dumb and cheesy.

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I think a lot of beings are honestly similar to each other, when one gets right down to it.

I wouldn't think so.

But... still. Ugh. I keep expecting them to mind rape me.

I think it's because... Of what has happened, that many ignore that these monsters might have lives of their own, or even goals of their own. Family, friends, even a desire to live...

I don't blame you for feeling like it will happen, honestly. Too much nonsense has gone on... But I have to wonder how many there actually are, after a point, that are subject to do that or not.

Seems creepy still. But man, I feel restless. I hate it when spring gets all active. College and work aren't enough.

So, been doing well, Shikou?

You've started college, then? I hope that's going well.

I've been... Fine, I guess. A bit anxious. I keep expecting something to happen that I don't really want to deal with for a long while.

Yeah. The homework and classwork isn't too bad. Hell, it's a lot easier than High School, honestly.

... Such as?

Hah. Well, that's good at least, that you don't feel overloaded.

... I keep expecting my psychiatrist to call for an appointment for me.

Pretty much.

... Why. What did you do now, or think you did?

It's not... Something that I did, though there has been some worry from others. More she usually tries to get me to come in fairly often, especially since it is no longer inconvenient to see her.

... And I really want to avoid what usually happens when I see them.

...? Uh, remind me what's so bad about what usually happens?

... I don't want to be in a trance again.

... So tell her you don't want to be in one again?

She's... Actually under contractual obligation to do so.

Especially if I try to reject it, because that means something might be wrong.

... But you don't seem like you need to be hypnotized.

She knows that I won't be entirely truthful, when I see her. I remember her mentioning a lot of things that I never consciously mentioned to her, because I knew she'd disapprove of them.

... That, and hypnotherapy is a major part of my treatment.

I remember that. But. You don't seem like you'd need it anymore.

You seem sane, mature, in love, and working towards a job. And caring. And responsible.

... And kind of imposing, but that's always been there.

Even if there's a small bit of doubt, it's still going to be applicable.

... And like I said, there have been notices of concern, about me.

... Like what?

Generally just... More violent tendencies.

I've actually had to restrain myself from doing something I'd regret... And I'm not sure that what I've done recently is something to regret or not.

Probably had reasons to be violent/angry. We all lose our tempers.

... Well... I don't think I was wrong for getting angry.

I'm just not sure if giving a werewolf a concussion and then stabbing his vampiric boss multiple times was a suitable reaction for them kidnapping Shiroko.

... How would you react if I was in that situation?

... Probably... Much in the same way, honestly.

... Though that doesn't mean it's good that I'd go and have such a violent outburst. I'd just rather not have people I care about getting kidnapped.

Can't blame you to be honest. I'd burn everything in my path if someone kidnapped you.

... Well, at the least, I'm flattered that you'd do much the same.

But... I think it's a bit different when I do it, when any of that is supposed to be repressed, if my treatment is truly complete.

... But I don't want to deal with that. It's selfish, though.