suzakuformation | (no subject)

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You know... it's weird. But I hate Duel Spirits and the supernatural and everything... but a bunch of the regulars we've been getting orders have been Duel Spirits... And while I hate how they look...

I dunno, they seem nice when we talk. Most of them seem to be trying to figure out the world, get a job, and...

It's just weird how similar they are to us.

Still hate that they're monsters.

Ugh. This must really sound dumb and cheesy.

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Like I said, she'll just erase me.

... No, she won't.

You might not trust her, but she's been a confidant to me for years. She at least knows what is good and what is bad.

She won't erase you. If she was going to, she would have erased you and Suzume long ago.

Until she decides we're too much of a hassle.

I don't care if she was nice when I went to her... all doctors are corrupt.

... Any corrupt doctors I was going to have probably got their fingers ripped off, honestly.

Hmph. I doubt that.

... Actually, I'm being serious.

They got hired because they managed to not get any skin removed.

...

Whatever you say, Mr. Samasu. It's not like we'll know each other in a month, probably.

Shiroko... She isn't going to make me forget you, and your belief that she will is no excuse to suddenly put up a level of coldness unsuitable for current relations.

... Frankly, I'm very hurt that you'd decide to do that. I love you very much, but it's harsh to go and suddenly use a last-name basis for it.

What's the point.

I'm obviously a threat to your mental stability to her. So, I can't exist.

Besides, this is what doctors do, Mr. Samasu.

... So you'd rather purposely upset me in order to be set in the belief that you're right?

It's not about upsetting you.

It's about understanding the world's cruelty, and knowing it will happen, and get prepared for it. I understand I'm screwed and you're screwed.

No. I know what you're doing here. You're attempting to purposely upset me, so you can feel secure that your expectations that you are a threat to my stability, are true, so you can continue that charade of coldness without guilt.

Because you believe that she will erase you from my mind, even though that is an ethical breech of her contract, and her own morals.

You want to feel like you know what to expect, even though you barely know them. You want to feel like you'll be ready for that "cruelty", when she has stated multiple times to me that I should continue to pursue close emotional relationships, if I have already started them.

However, you need to realize that someone who has known another for fourteen years, will know what to expect from the constant-- not from the grim expectations of others.

And you need to realize that you should trust the one who knows someone a bit more than you ever will.

Doctors do things like that. All doctors do that.

And there's no point in pursuing something that will be gone. Because that is what happens. All doctors are like this. Every doctor has been like this. And every doctor, psychologist, and therapist has betrayed me.

So, we have no future, Mr. Samasu.

Shiroko.

Do you trust me?

Yes.

But I don't trust your doctor. Ever. Even if you say they won't, they will.

... Then at least trust me that I won't forget you.

Even if you can't trust her, then trust me that I'd still care.

... That's the thing.

I do.

But I know what she'll do to you, Mr. Samasu.

Shiroko. Call me Shikou, please.

You also ignore the fact that this whole conversation has been about me not wanting to see her in the first place.

I... can't, Mr. Samasu. That would be hurting me and you further than this.

... But she'll force you and then, it's over.

I am stressing this, Shiroko. Call me Shikou. You trying to keep up the act of calling me by my surname only hurts me more.

Trust that I won't let her.

... Yes, Shikou.

... I can't trust that. Because she will break it for you, Shikou.

... Thank you, Shiroko.

I'll make sure that she won't, even if I have to find... Some way to not go into a trance, any longer.

... I... don't want to lose you.

... I don't want to lose you either.

Just trust in that, alright?

I'll... try. Shikou.

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observershikou.livejournal.com - 2010-04-14 08:01 (UTC) - Expand

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