suzakuformation | (no subject)

Current Mood: annoyed

(no subject)

Great, boss said he'll probably have to lay me off due to the shoulder injury since I won't be able to carry food for a while that well.

Parents wondered what the hell I got into.

And I think I have a stalker.

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I should... but... I hate this sort of thing yet... You ever have your heartstrings tugged so hard you can't ignore what pulled them?

... I guess. But I think it's more imperative that you do stay away from his offers.

Since he's already threatened me to drive you back into insanity. Quite forwardly, too.

... i see.

... If he sends you more letters, or tries to do anything to you, tell me. Please?

... I'll think about it. ... I'm jealous, though. Completely and utterly jealous.

... Jealous?

Jealous. Utterly utterly jealous... of her.

... I'm sorry. That you are.

... I take it that the letter... Concerns her, doesn't it.

... I hate her. She's stupid. She's lazy. She's fat. She's so plain. She doesn't love you like I do. She has no backbone, no will, no grace. I hate everything about her... I hate she stole you away from me, your Majesty.

... Yes. He says he'll let me get you back and get do anything to her to put her out of the picture. I'm sorely... sorely... tempted to approve of it.

... He probably offered it, you realize, to push us over the edge. Not out of any genuine concern or charity to you, but because he knows what will happen, if you accept it.

His ultimate goal is not one that I know of, but I know what he's threatened.

He wants me to be the Obsidian Lord. He wants to drive you insane-- to that point where I found there was no other option, but to leave you, for your own sake. He wants Shiroko to be nothing-- a lazy, unmotivationless, idiotic girl.

It makes me sick.

... I want her to be anything other than she is, so you'll pay attention to me. I don't care if she's lazy and stupid... I did that for you, not her. Me. I... I... hate being thrown away... after that......

Anything... anything... and what was wrong with being him...?

... I did not mind the confidence. I didn't mind the power. I didn't even mind the cunning, the passion.

... But I did mind the fact that I would have so easily killed everyone else, including you, if it came right down to it. I mind the fact that... We killed billions. Billions of people, just to reset everything. I cared nothing for those who weren't useful to me, and I was afraid of every little step I took, wondering, "who will try to kill me next?"

And yet things come up, that make me wish I had truly gone through with the whole festival. That I had changed everything. But no-- that's only for those with idle thoughts.

If he wants me to embrace what I've done, then fine. He will gain what results from that. Namely, a sword through his head, for trying to push me, to make me throw everyone away, instead.

If you want me to toss you away, then accept his letter. I will be willing to do so in the blink of an eye-- after all, that is what the Obsidian Lord would do. If my Queen-- my only Queen, wants to give into her jealousy and spite once more, then so be it. I'll strike down who is necessary for the insult.

But if you want to prove yourself to me instead, to try to sway my thoughts within your own power, that you're more than just a jealous girl who would do anything to spoil others within that area of affection, then throw it away and reject it, yourself.

... Then what is she to you...? If she isn't your Queen...

... She is someone I love. She has her traits I find attractive, but she is, at the most, a princess. I care about her, and I would protect her with my life-- but admittedly, I would do much the same to you. If even the elements were against you, I would shield you.

There are many things that she is to me. She is resilient. She is kind. And more things happen to her than anyone could count. Even on the physical side, she is, quite honestly, one of my few probable chances to sire a child through normal means-- something that I will, inevitably, desire.

While you are my main affection, maybe, in a way, she's my hope.

... Hope? How do I not give you hope... though... I understand the siring a child, your Majesty.

... But she is... less than me?

... Yes. She is less than you.

I care for her, deeply. But I care for you more, and have cared for you, regardless of anything that has occurred.

... I think that relaxes me a bit...

... But how is she your hope.

... Hope for a child. Hope for physical affection. Hope for the feeling that there are more out there who could care for someone so broken and tarnished. Hope that... I won't be alone.

... You're not alone... I'd give you physical affection and love...

... I don't doubt that you would-- I know you would give love, no matter what. It isn't just love that concerns me.

It's the agony of the idea that only one person would ever care for me. Especially when... I don't know how long I will be around.

... I don't get it.

... I don't get it either, sometimes.

... I'll be with you, forever, though.

... I'd really like that, you know.

... I'll make sure of it.

Re: [Private to Shikou]

observershikou.livejournal.com - 2010-11-28 09:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: [Private to Shikou]

suzakuformation.livejournal.com - 2010-11-28 09:07 (UTC) - Expand

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